I was in synagogue with my eldest the other day when, observing those seated throughout the sanctuary, she leaned over to me and whispered, “why is everyone here so old?”
I had to stifle a giggle because of her pointed way of expressing herself, and I gently shushed her and said that I’d answer her question when the service ended. As Adon Olam wrapped up, then, I turned to her and offered the following explanation:
There are two answers. The easy one is that a lot of the seniors you see here have fewer daily obligations — they don’t work anymore, and they’re not raising kids in the home. The won’t, for example, have to do five loads of laundry this weekend like your mother does. That gives them more time to attend to the rhythms of the Jewish community, including coming to synagogue more frequently.
But there’s a more significant answer, too, which is that a lot of these seniors grew up in a time and place in which Judaism was a more prevalent part of daily life. Today, Judaism seems to be for many people little more than an ornamentation on their lives, like racing stripes painted on a car. But for many older Jews, and even for a lot of younger Jews still today, Judaism is THE CAR. Judaism is the vehicle, and not the destination.
She nodded, and seemed to understand where I was going with this analogy. “Like for grandma? She drives a Jewish car, that’s for sure!”
Yes, Grandma drives a Jewish car. She spends a lot of time on the upkeep of that car, and everyone who sees her Jewish car drive by knows that she cares deeply about its value to her. I guess, if I had to think about it, my Judaism is kind of like our old Pontiac that hangs out in the car port. It might not get driven as often as it should, but it’s always reliable and I try to take vary good care of it.
She laughed at that, and I imagined her thinking about the spiderwebs we sometimes find when we drive the car after it has sat for a while.
Your Bat Mitzvah is your opportunity to tell the rest of the community what kind of car you’re going to drive, and how you’re going to take care of it. It will be your chance to decide for yourself whether you want to drive a secular car with Jewish racing stripes, or a clunky but reliable Jewish car, or a fancy and modern Jewish car.
By then we were approaching the buffet tables of the Kiddush after the service, and I knew that her attention was drawn elsewhere (mmm, food!). But from the tight hug I got before she scampered off to find her friends and stuff her face with bagels and cookies, I know that she had heard what I explained.
I can’t wait to see what kind of car she picks out….
